25 things about me

I gave in to the pressure, and I am going to attempt this seemingly cathartic experience. I have to admit before I begin that I see myself as a boring person, so for those of you who make it through the 25 things I apologize. Here goes nothing!

1. The one thing I daydreamed about the most growing up was being married. I had the whole Cinderella fantasy in my head, and I honestly believed that love was like it was in the movies. I believe that I am fortunate enough to have found the closest thing to fairy tale love and marriage that exists. I have found the person that God created for me and am so thankful for that.

2. With number one being out of the way I have to admit that marriage is completely different from that fairy tale. It is something you have to work at every minute of every day. No one is perfect and when you get married, no matter what people say, things change. It can be frustrating, tiring, and scary; however, at the same time it is the most fulfilling, worthwhile, exciting journey I have ever taken.

3. To continue the theme...I never knew that loving someone this strongly was humanly possible. I mean I love my husband more every day and it never ceases to amaze me how that love keeps growing. (I promise, no more corny love stuff!)

4. Since getting married and experiencing this growing love, I have come to be more thankful and awed by the fact that my Creator and Savior loves me on a level that I can only attempt to comprehend. He sent His only Son to die and bear grueling pain because of this love. This truly boggles my mind!

5. My family is amazing and wonderful in our own dysfunctional way. I am lucky to be a member of an amazingly close family with five living generations. We have been to hell and back, however, we are stronger than ever. Each member of my family holds a uniquely different place in my heart and keeps me insane and sane at the same time.

6. My best friend, Mally, the one person in the world that I can truly say knows everything about me. I do not know how the last thirteen years of my life would have been without her. I don't know what I would do without my five oclock phone calls and the fact that we can laugh about nothing, cry about everything, and solve all the world's problems in a two hour phone call. She is really my other half in a lot of ways I think.

7. I am a perfectionist in many aspects of my life. Many times I expect the same from others and I get truly let down when people don't meet my expectations. This is not a good quality and I am not proud. It is something I have to work on. Some would say that is the same thing as being critical and pessimistic. To make myself feel better, I say it is just expecting the best from people.

8. I was always older than my age. I thought older, felt older, and acted older. I worried about problems of others and thought about things that kids shouldn't worry about. I was dubbed the "worry wort" by my friends in elementary school. Fortunately for me, I have outgrown that so much.

9. Despite being older, I feel like when I did "have to grow up" it wasn't for the right circumstances. Yet, I know that this happened for a reason. At the same time I learned the valuable life lesson, "you do what you have to do."

10. There is one relationship in my life that has been the most difficult in my twenty five years. It has caused me more tears, anger, and frustration than I would wish on my worst enemy. At the same time it is the one relationship that I would give my life to fix and have back. No matter how hard I try to overcome it or how much I say I don't care, it still causes me to cry like a baby almost every time I am alone and able to express the sadness.

11. As a child and teenager I took dance lessons. I was not very good, sometimes awkward, but that didn't matter to me. Dancing was the one thing that truly made me happy and feel good about myself. I actually loved it. I miss it so much, and I miss the person I was when I danced.

12. School was always the one thing that came natural to me. It was important that I did well, because it made me feel good. It was easy for me. It gave me a feeling like I had never experienced, and honestly no feeling to this point has been the same.

13. I absolutely HATE to clean. I want to be super clean and my house to be super clean and free of clutter, but I physically HATE to clean. I think in another life I was a maid or something. :) Not really, I just hate to clean.

14. I am a full fledged, over blown FRIENDS addict. (Another quality I share with my best friend!) I quote episodes almost in their entirety. I own all ten complete seasons and watch them repeatedly. I mean on a daily basis. In fact it's on right this moment. I am proud to say that I have converted my husband to an addict as well. FRIENDS is almost like my outlet and escape. I go there to laugh and relax and escape my life.

15. My biological clock is ticking more strongly than ever. I want to be a mother more than I wanted to be a wife. I long to have that connection with my child. At times it is stronger and worse than others; however, I do not want to bring a child into the world when I know I am not prepared for it. I am still selfish in ways that I don't want to give up sleeping late, picking up and leaving for a few hours, and being able to do what I want without having to drag someone else along. This is something that will change I know when the time is right.

16. I want to write a book. I want this book to be widely popular and truly be something that people will relate to. I have no idea what the topic will be about or when (if) I will ever do this. I have faith that if it is an adventure God wants me to take, He will lead me to it.

17. If I could change anything about myself it would be a tie. I obviously would want to be skinny, but almost as much as that desire is a close tie. I would want to be able to sing. I would love to have a Whitney Houston type voice. A voice that would cause people to stop and listen. I am a closet singer. In the car I sound incredible I must say.

18. I haven't had cable or satellite television in almost four years. To most people this almost seems barbaric. I did have bunny ears for about six months, but after I moved those didn't work anymore. I do miss television, but I don't think it is a necessity anymore. I think that the absence of TV has made me appreciate other things more. I am thankful for its absence since getting married because it has forced my husband and I to spend time together that we probably wouldn't have if we had television. I have also had the opportunity to watch some incredible movies.

19. I love music, all types. I have gone through all kinds of musical phases, but have always been a lover of country music. George Strait is my all time favorite singer. Nothing makes me quite as happy as hearing "Does Fort Worth Cross Your Mind" or "I Can Still Make Cheyenne" come on the radio.

20. I was saved on August 25, 1990. I remember is like is happened yesterday. I remember meeting with Brother O.D. in his office and talking about what it meant to be a Christian. I remember filling in a green piece of paper with John 3:16 written on it and instead of the words "world, whosoever, etc" with my name to personalize it. I remember walking to the front of the church during invitation with my parents and announcing to the church. I remember being baptized. This is the single most important event in my life. I remember very clearly. I yearn to feel those feelings again so vividly.

21. I secretly wish that I would have become a doctor, or at least tried. I probably wouldn't have made it through it, but I wish I would have tried.

22. I am thankful for the fact that I grew up in a small town with the same kids all through school. Bowie will always have a special place in my heart. It made me who I am, but I know it is not home anymore. That makes me extremely sad and strangely relieved all at the same time. I feel like an outsider when I go back. Small towns are sometimes hard to swallow with the gossip and nosiness, but at the same time they are the most wonderful place in the world. I wouldn't have changed where I grew up for any amount of money.

23. Probably the biggest dissappointment of my life to my family was my decision not to go to TCU. I was so deep into that decision and truly thought that was what I wanted. I think that I let my entire family down; however, I think now they see that I did make the right decision. That decision is truly the first time I can say that I followed God completely blindly and fully relying on Him that He would make the reason known. I may be the only one that sees that, but it was the right decision for my life.

24. I am extremely proud that I have a college degree. I worked very hard very it. I overcame some huge personal hurdles during those years and still did it in four years. Even though I am in up to my ears and have never used the degree, I am proud because I did that on my own and no one can take that away from me.

25. I don't think I have really found my niche in this world. I want to make a difference, be happy, and experience all types of things the world has to offer. I want to have hobbies that I enjoy. In reality, I don't think I have found this place and I don't even feel remotely close to finding it. I just keep pushing through with the faith that God has a niche for me and He will show me when I'm ready.

This was much harder than I thought. I enjoyed it though.